Valentine’s Day - 10 Tips for Better Relationships

Here we are again, Feb 14th, the international day of Love, when lovers are reminded (by pink cards, fluffy teddy bears and lots of saturated fat chocolate hearts) to show their affections and appreciations to each other. Since this day is celebrated in Aquarius, the sign of friendships, Valentine’s Day energetically speaking is actually the day of friendship more then love or passion. If it would have been all about love, we would have celebrated it on the opposite sign, Leo. If it would have been about passion it would have been occupying some day in the Scorpio domain, perhaps even competing with Halloween. But Aquarius won the bid for Valentine’s which means that what we are really suppose to demonstrate is our friendship to our lovers, significant others or anyone who is close to us.

Why Valentine’s? Well, in the past you could not have a holiday without it being connected to a saint or a famous battle. Friendship or love on their own did not seem important enough for the Church to declare a day for it. Most likely Valentine’s is based on the Lupercalia celebration which was observed in Ancient Rome between Feb 13-15 and was associated with Hera’s marriage to her very unfaithful yet charismatic husband Zeus. Hera, strangely enough, was the goddess of marriage and was suppose to help women deal with their partners, which she had a hard time doing since most of the time she was busy trying to kill her husbands illegitimate children (such as Hercules). I guess a cobbler walks barefoot and the goddess of marriage wants a divorce. Maybe that is why, according to US Greeting Cards Association, 1 billion Valentine’s cards are exchanged every year, of which 85% are sent by women, hoping to do a better job with their partners then the goddess of marriage did with hers.

But putting aside history, religion, mythology and gritting card, here are 10 tips I collected from different systems of mysticism, my own relationships as well as the thousands of compatibility charts I read over the years. These tips are good for all types of relationships from business partnership, to marriage and even your connection to your pets…

  1. Give your partner what he/she wants before they ask for it. If you wait for them to ask, they would most likely do it in a way that would make you not want to give it to them. Be a knight, be a Lady, be nice!
  2. Balance your relationships! Libra, the sign of relationships is symbolized by the scales. Give as much as you receive, talk as much as you listen, gift as much as you are gifted. I am not saying you should keep accounts (accounting is ruled by Virgo – the Virgin, nothing to do with relationships obviously). Just be conscious of not creating a one sided relationships. If you do, call a lawyer. Lawyers are also ruled by Libra for this reason…
  3. Give your partner space. While Location, Location, Location is the real estate agents mantra (now its Mortgage, Mortgage, Mortgage, but that is a different story) Space, Space, Space is the one that can make or break relationships. When I mean give space, I mean take it also for yourself. Be careful not to withdraw too fast too far. That is not giving space, that is punishing.
  4. Communicate about everything immediately! Don’t wait. We have a tendency to hold things inside and start having conversations in our head where our lover says unspeakable nasty things. You know what, the dialogue you have in your head might not be the best representation of what they think. Talk about everything yes! Repeat yourself a million time – no! Your relationship is not a commercial on TV, repetition does not ensures a successful sale. If she/he does not get it the first time, change how you explained yourself. Miscommunications and misunderstanding is the number one cause for fights.
  5. Communicate right away but not when you are emotionally charged. Most of the ancient Greek tragedies (emphasis on the tragedy) were weaved around the clashing between the opposing forces of reason and passion. Both are needed in a relationship, but keep the reason for the conversations and the passion to the bedroom. Don’t mix!
  6. NEVER take your partner for granted! That is the apocalypse of all relationships. Always spend a few moments thanking the Universe, God, your mother in law and your good fortune for sending you the one you love.
  7. Relationships evolve, like human did from monkeys. Don’t try to delay the inevitable, it’s the quickest way to kill a relationship. According to Daoism, we start our relationships with the Yang, masculine principle, but if we want to relationship to continue to evolve we must move to the Yin, feminine principle. Yang is the part when we fall in love, have three times a day sex and act childlike and creative. Its super fun yes, but it can burn us down if we don’t cool it and move to Yin. Yin is family, security, commitment and, what can you do, less sex and more growth. That is OK. It’s normal. Less does not mean non existing. Sexuality must evolve as well, it will be less about quantity and more about quality. I noticed that in some gay relationships, where there are two Yang, there is a longer Yang period and therefore these relationships tend to burn faster (Yang is fire) and never make it to the Yin. Lesbian partnerships, on the other hand, are between two Yin and they tend to move faster into the home and commitment part, getting wet too fast. Straight relationships tend to fall somewhere in between, depending on the dynamics.
  8. Try to become friends with your partner’s friends and have your partner connect to your friends. The Sufi say – show me your friends and I will tell you who you are. Most important, make sure to establish common friends as a couple.
  9. Do not punish! Even if your partner is infuriating and did not wash the dishes or never pair up the socks or even when they for get to check the pockets before putting the color and whites mixed in the washing machine (don’t laugh, I do that all the time). When you punish the one closest to you, you punish yourself. It’s silly and self destructive.
  10. Always keep an element of surprise. Spontaneity, adventures, breaking the routine and doing together things you have never done before (camping, traveling to an exotic country, mountain climbing) will generate stories that belong only to the two of you. It’s like creating your own mythology. According to Kabbalah, God created the Universe with a story. You can recreate your relationship with these stories.

Remember – you and your partner are trying to overcome the most difficult task – to be as one when born as two. Relationships teach us the most powerful lesson in life: how can the many become one, how can creation return to the oneness of God. Its not easy but its worth it. Happy Day of Love to all of you…